Our Journey through Autism, Together
Our Journey through Autism, Together
Once, a close friend of mine asked, “If you are awarded one wish, and it can be any wish, would you wish for your son’s autism to disappear?” To be honest, while I gave a candid answer of “No” immediately then, in the middle of the night, when everyone was asleep, I thought about this question long and hard again, as I stared out at the silvery moon, and I came to a heartfelt conclusion, “No”.
My son has not been officially diagnosed with autism but the visible symptoms that greeted us, and the multiple visits to various hospitals and rehabilitation centres affirm my husband’s and my belief that he is on the spectrum. As an educator myself, I know how I wish that some of my suspected cases in class could have an official diagnosis so that I can better work with them using appropriate strategies but the Asian mother in me, tells me otherwise. I believe the intervention means more than the diagnosis and I have been opened to working with the schools and therapists since suspecting he is on the spectrum at the age of two.
Through the years of working with our child, I have to admit we have yet to find any magical solutions but we believe there were a few things that we may have done right, which have contributed heavily to our child’s development.
First – Relationship
We worked closely with the therapists and teachers in school to monitor our child’s daily life skills, social skills, academic skills.
Second – Managing priorities
We told the school teachers to forgo teaching our son any academic knowledge but just focus on the daily skills such as eating, dressing, sitting down, etc. Work on what matters to the child at that point in time, and not what you wish for him/her to do/have.
Third – Consistency
We worked through the skills with our son at home on a daily basis.
Fourth – Highly Visual Approach
Show, don’t say. Our kids are highly visual learners. Whatever you want to teach them, do it by showing, not by saying, either through pictures or literally bringing the child there and showing them the steps. You can also write down the steps as visual reminders.
Fifth – Be Thick-skinned
We have grown accustomed to the stares we get from onlookers when we bring our child out, and he has a meltdown, or when he starts speaking his ‘train-language’ to himself. We have also use it as an opportunity to share with interested onlookers on autism.
Sixth – Always have hope
Of course, along the way, we have had many hurdles and hiccups but we never stop believing in our child. Remember, you are the anchor for your child. If you lose hope, they can see and feel it. See the potential in your child rather than their weaknesses. My mentor used to tell me, use a child’s strength to work on their weakness and vice versus.
Seventh – Be patient
I used to say, let’s take steps, and since then, I have progressed to let’s take baby-steps. We didn’t take one day to master walking. Give each child with special needs the time they need to blossom.
Eighth – Laugh
Last but not least, laugh. Laugh at those milestones, however small they may be; laugh when the situation goes the opposite end of the direction for it’s hilarious how it can even go there; laugh together with your child and not at your child for laughter is one of the best medicines to bring our worlds together.
I’ll end off with this quote which I hold dearly, “Special needs is not a disability you’re supposed to conquer, but rather a disability you must understand and live with cleverly”. – Reiko Maruoka, Nobu’s World
I do not wish not for my son’s disability to be taken away, but rather, I believe in celebrating who he is as an individual, working with him hand-in-hand, and to walk alongside him in this journey together.
Guest Writer’s Profile:
Angela is a mother of eight years and counting, and an educator of more than ten years teaching in a mainstream school to teenagers aged 13 years old to 17 years old with and without special needs. If you’re keen to read about Angela and her husband’s journey with their son when he was two to seven years old, you may read up this blog that she created then, https://autismbeautycombines.wordpress.com/ .
